How Coaching Helped Me Change A Negative Mindset

Through coaching, I recently had a pretty big mindset shift. A “lightbulb moment.” I was struggling with motivation and feelings of burnout with a particular project at work. I was stuck in a box of negative thinking. I kept asking myself internally, “Why can’t anything just be easy!?” And my experiences confirmed my bias that things aren’t easy. I couldn’t seem to move past that.

Mindset Shift

The question that changed things for me was: “What are you believing about this situation?”

After some exploration, I realized I believed: “If I am competent, work should be easy.“

As soon as I said those words out loud, I realized that was a thinking error. I know enough about logical fallacies and thought distortions to say, “But I guess I know that’s not true.” My coach then asked me, “What is true?” I thought for a few moments and said, “It’s okay to acknowledge that some work is actually hard, and I’m in a hard situation right now. I can acknowledge that, and I can also acknowledge that I’m competent and I can do hard things.”

A huge weight lifted when I said, “I can do hard things.” It felt good to acknowledge my ability and competence, and it also felt good to be honest that work is hard sometimes. That faulty belief that work should be easy had a lot of subtle effects on my mental and emotional well-being. It’s amazing how being honest about circumstances and then framing those same circumstances from a different perspective can be liberating from shame and self-condemnation.

GRATITUDE

Keying off of an earlier comment I had made about being grateful that I have a great team and a good boss, my coach asked me: “What else can you find to be grateful for about work?”

It was helpful for me to make a list of things I’m grateful for, both about work and outside of work. I think humans are prone to forget to practice gratitude. So having a list to “jog my memory” when I forget what there is to be thankful for is a helpful tool.

Lest I mislead any of my dear readers by sharing only the positives, I need to disclose that I still have days that take it out of me. Situations that are stressful and challenging. Some people can be frustrating to work with. There are still moments when nothing feels clear about this particular project. Yet, with the help of coaching, some new self-awareness about my automatic thoughts, and a little sticky note that says, “I can do hard things,” on my laptop, I’ve been better able to negotiate these situations. Growth isn’t always linear. It’s not always… dare I say, easy.

LIVING FAITHFULLY IN THE LAND OF HARD

Another question my coach asked me that helped solidify this mental shift and the discoveries I was making was: “How does this mindset reflect your values?”

As a follower of Jesus, I believe I have a responsibility to live as salt and light in the world. If I’m burned out and negative, how will that affect my team? Am I being a responsible manager at that point? Not discounting that people get negative and burn out. But if I just stay there and live in that muck, how will it affect my team’s morale and performance? How will it affect my testimony of the good news of Jesus – that He is the only source of true hope in a world hopelessly overrun with pride, greed, and violence?

I’m greatly comforted by the following words in Scripture as I keep on keeping on and do hard things:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed [. . .] So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
– 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18 ESV

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
– Philippians 1:6 ESV

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
– Philippians 4:8 ESV

If you’d like to learn more about coaching or talk with me about coaching, please check out my Coaching page.